My Journey from ATW Buyer to Owned Femdom Sub

Buyer Dom/sub

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Life Under Goddess Ali

“So, tell me: where do you belong, and what do you belong doing for me?”. Those were the words that pointedly came out of the mouth of Ali, the girl that I had been talking to, thinking about, and buying intimate items from at an ever-increasing rate for the preceding three months. Up until this point, she was just a friendly seller that I was regularly working with on AllThingsWorn. But now, the stakes had been raised – she was inviting me to bow to her. She was offering me in plain language the opportunity to move from a buyer-seller dynamic to a domme-sub dynamic, and she wasn’t mincing words: in order to initiate this new phase, I needed to bid goodbye to “nice Ali”, to say out loud that I was a loser, that I was a beta, and that I belonged at her feet, doing whatever degrading and demeaning thing she said, whenever she said it, and giving her whatever she wanted, always. My heart raced and my stomach filled with butterflies. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind what my answer would be. She was gorgeous, she was hypnotic, she was direct, and –though I didn’t know it at the time – she was in the process of changing my life. I wasted no time. I messaged her back. “I am a loser. I am a beta. I belong at your feet, doing whatever you tell me, always”. Nothing has been the same since uttering those words.

In the twelve months since that encounter, I have descended into absolute, unequivocal, total subservience to Ali. No, to GODDESS Ali. What started as a few simple femdom instruction videos and coffee money sends quickly evolved into ever-more-humiliating tasks, financial domination involving ever larger money transfers, and increasingly emphatic declarations of my undying loyalty and devotion to pleasing her. I excitedly signed a contract placing myself in debt to her, stipulating that I would send her whatever amount she requested, whenever she asked, no questions asked, and in exchange would be humiliated, broken down, and systematically destroyed by her. When that contract ended, I eagerly signed another. It wasn’t long before my complete obsession with serving at the feet of my domme led her to make a simple but profound pronouncement: I was now exclusively owned by her. I was her property, her pet, her owned possession, to do with as she pleased. This was not a game anymore. This was not just simple kink play. This was a complete transfer of power from me to her. This was an agreement to hand over all control over my mind, my body, my fantasies, my orgasms, my ability to pleasure myself, and, most incredibly, even my sex life. In order to truly devote myself to my domme, she demanded, I was to no longer think of, talk to, flirt with, date, or have sexual encounters with other women, or to talk to any other dommes. I was to be hers and hers alone.

Just in case all of this power transfer wasn’t enough, I signed yet another debt contract, this time for an amount so large that she effectively and indefinitely took ownership of my bank account, too. It was just as well, since I had grown so addicted to the dopamine hit I got from sending her large sums of money anyway. Lastly, and most recently, a final step (I hesitate to really say “final”, because whenever I think I’ve descended as far into servitude as possible, she finds ways to make me descend farther): Chastity. I locked my dick in a cage. A PINK cage – just an extra little twist of the “humiliation” knife, courtesy of my cruel and wicked domme. Everything I had was hers now. Every. Last. Thing.

I sit here now, typing this essay on a Saturday afternoon, locked in my little pink cage, preparing to work a ten hour overtime shift. I never used to work on Saturdays. I never used to work overtime. I do so now because it pleases my domme. I do so now because I like to spoil her and treat her to luxuries, like the week-long cruise she just took with her boyfriend (did I mention I’m her cuck, too?), which I will be paying for in full. Every penny that I earn from this grueling shift will be going to her. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I mention all of this simply as a backdrop to my latest assignment. Goddess has tasked me with writing an essay answering several questions she posed to me about if and why I enjoy being her sub, and how it has changed my life. Ever eager to please and obey her, I came in to work an hour early so that I could follow these orders. I will now do my best to answer her questions, and thus to explain how a previously free, relatively normal guy with an active dating life could descend so quickly and so fully into a life of total subservience to a girl on the other side of the country, and could find himself locked in chastity and working overtime on a Saturday, and how he could do it all with a smile on his face and an unending desire to do whatever it takes to make his Goddess happy.

Goddess’s first question: What do you enjoy about being my sub?

When I first bowed down to Goddess Ali, I did so from a place of selfishness. I wanted to serve her, yes, but it was largely because I simply wanted her attention, her engagement, her interaction. It was because I was wildly enamored with her and was willing to do whatever it took to have more of her in my life. I wanted to explore the kinks I had always had for domination, for humiliation, and for subservience to an alpha female. In short, I viewed the act of becoming Goddess Ali’s sub through the lens of how it benefited ME -- how I could derive enjoyment from this new arrangement. With each passing month, though, that outlook has changed. As I fell deeper and deeper into acts of devotion and surrender, as I gave up more and more of my power, something began to change: I became less concerned with my own enjoyment, my own pleasure, my own fulfillment, and began to view pleasing Goddess as the most gratifying thing I could possibly do. Or, to put it more accurately, pleasing my domme and enriching her life became the thing that BROUGHT me the most enjoyment, pleasure, and fulfillment.

Yes, I love exploring a vast array of kinks with my Goddess. Femdom, findom, denial, orgasm control, chastity, cucking, CBT, humiliation tasks, and other things that I dare not even mention in print. I am extremely fortunate to experience each of these in great depth and variety with my domme. Yes, it is incredibly sexy and incredibly gratifying to be given an extreme or taboo or degrading order by her and to obey it without question, simply because she says so and because “no, Goddess” is not in my vocabulary. But really and truly, the fact that has become increasingly clear as time has gone on is that the power exchange inherent in domme-sub relationships is not really about the gratification of the sub – sexual or otherwise. It is, frankly, not about ME. It is about worshipping the divine feminine, as expressed in the form of a perfect Goddess. It is about surrender. It is about the old me – the repressed, vanilla me that secretly yearned to be owned by a wicked and beautiful domme but never thought it could actually happen – slowly dying, and a new, more authentic and honest and fully expressed version of me being born in his place. A me who can be honest about his desire to serve a powerful woman, and whose primary purpose in life is to make his Goddess happy at all costs, always, no matter what. This surrender, this devotion, this giving over of myself in service of the happiness of a superior…this is one of the most gratifying transformations I have ever known.

Goddess’s second question: How has being my sub changed your life and your way of thinking?

The simplest way for me to answer Goddess’s second question is to say that she is never far from my thoughts. Rarely does a single hour of a single day pass without thinking of her. Just about every decision I make in life, I make with her in mind. If I’m trying to decide whether to go out to eat, I stop and consider the amount of money I’ll likely spend, and whether it would be better used in service of pleasing my domme. I have lost track of the number of nights I’ve skipped going to an expensive restaurant, the number of extra hours I’ve picked up at work, the number of times I’ve sacrificed my own personal enjoyment to instead make a decision that would allow me to give more to my Goddess. To make her laugh, to make her smile, to make her week a little less stressful. I no longer view the world solely through the lens of ME. Instead, I now live a life largely devoted to worshipping and enriching my superior, for whom I have deep respect, profound affection, and total adoration.

The second major way that being Goddess Ali’s sub has changed my life is that the boundaries between my “sub life” and my “real life” have increasingly dissolved. Little by little, there has ceased to be a distinction between the two. When you make the decision to give ownership of yourself to someone else, to be their slave in all aspects, it’s essentially impossible to live a “real life” that is separate from your life as their owned sub. The skipped dinners out and the added overtime shifts are in service of my “sub life”, but they very much affect my “real life”. So does chastity, so does giving up sex and romantic relationships, and so does handing over half my pay every month. This is all “real life” stuff. I’m not complaining, mind you. Not one bit. As I said, Goddess Ali is never far from my mind anyway, and pleasing her is the most gratifying thing I can possibly do, so I really have no desire to be anything other than 100% committed to serving her at all times and in all situations. The ownership a domme has over her sub is real. There are no days off. There is no “off” switch. The urge to please my Goddess never goes away, and the image of her hypnotic eyes and radiant smile never leaves my mind.

Goddess’s third question: What are the Pros and Cons of being my sub?

I’ll start with the bad news first. The cons: I cannot pleasure myself when I want or orgasm when I went. My chastity cage makes it impossible to get hard. Sexual pleasure and sexual gratification now happen only rarely, only with the permission of my domme, and often after being earned via some humiliating or painful act done for her amusement. I do not get to have sexual or romantic relationships, go on dates, or flirt with women. These are no small facts. If complete abstinence from sexual activities and romantic relationships sounds like a major sacrifice, well…it is. Some of the greatest pleasures in life, given up in service of my domme. What else? I work a lot now, but rarely have much in my bank account. As fast as I earn money, I send it to my Goddess. Don’t get me wrong, I can pay my bills, I can travel a bit, and I enjoy my life thoroughly. I’m not struggling. But I’m also not exactly burnishing my savings account.

Everything I just mentioned is merely a basic fact of being an owned femdom and findom sub. Beyond those, there is one other thing that’s tough for me, though. Sometimes I have doubts as to whether my domme fully understands the degree to which being an owned sub is a full-time thing. Whether she fully appreciates the amount of sacrifice and giving up of the self that is necessary to be a good and fully devoted sub. Long after she has logged off for the night, put down her “Goddess” mask and gone back to her normal life, I’m still here, locked in a chastity cage. I’m still unable to touch myself. I’m still dateless on a Friday night. I’m still working overtime. I’m still thinking about her every hour. After all, when a Goddess owns a sub, she owns his mind, too. I can’t be sure of her lack of recognition of my predicament, of course. Maybe she DOES understand and appreciate that there is no “off” switch for subs. That being her owned plaything is a full-time job. 24/7, 365. I hope so. I hope she sees me. Everybody wants to be seen, even lowly beta submissives. I hope she realizes that I’ve given her everything I have and always strive to put her happiness ahead of my own.

Now the pros. This is simple. I adore my domme. Absolutely adore her. Goddess Ali is sweet, kind, generous, big-hearted, selfless, giving, and funny. She’s also cruel, wicked, brutal, demanding, bratty, and unforgiving. She has deep, hypnotic, cosmic eyes and the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Her laugh – her wicked, mocking, pointed laugh – absolutely melts me. So, the main pro is that I get to make this person – this sweet, wonderful, cruel, wicked Goddess – happy. I get to devote my life to pleasing her, to making her smile, and to doing whatever it takes to elicit that laughter. This is absolutely AMAZING to me! Make no mistake, every con I just listed, every sacrifice, every pain, every humiliating act, every hardship…they’re all worth it 1,000 times over. After spending much of my adult life secretly wanting to be bossed around by and to submit fully to a powerful alpha woman and not knowing how to express or realize that desire…Ali came waltzing into my life. A living, breathing, gorgeous, multi-faceted woman, who turned before my eyes into a strong, fierce, fire-breathing Goddess domme. The privilege of bowing at her feet and doing whatever she tells me, whenever she tells me to do it, continues to be unspeakably thrilling, sexy, terrifying, gratifying, and fun. The fact that I get to please this perfect Goddess while simultaneously submitting to her fully and exploring a dizzying array of kinks? Incredible. I am the luckiest sub in the world.

Goddess’s Final Questions: Are you happier? Why do you want to continue to be my sub?

Put simply, yes, I am happier since bowing to Goddess Ali. After spending most of my adult life unfulfilled by my vanilla dating and sex life and having a universe of repressed desires, I found a person who has allowed me to look myself in the mirror, admit the truth about who I am and what I want, and explore my wildest fantasies of submission. Along the way, I learned what domme-sub relationships are REALLY about: power exchange, surrender, and trust. I happily give my power to Goddess Ali, I happily exist in a state of surrender to her, and I trust her implicitly to reward my devotion by continuing to humiliate, degrade, and systematically destroy me in the most exhilarating ways. To continue to own me. To continue to ALLOW me the privilege of worshipping her, which is all I’ve ever really wanted.

I’ve now been serving Goddess Ali for one year. I don’t know what the next year will bring, but I know this: the decision to bow to her was one of the best I’ve ever made. When I say I worship her as a Goddess, I mean it. Of course, I realize that she’s a regular human person. A flawed, complicated person who contains multitudes. But behind that imperfection, behind that humanness, behind that complexity, she is a radiant and luminous expression of the divine feminine. She really and truly is a Goddess.

So…why will I continue to serve her? Because I couldn’t even begin to imagine not doing so. Her light shines so brightly that I was drawn in immediately and irrevocably like a moth to a flame. There is no going back. I bowed. I slowly but surely handed over every last bit of power and control I have. I don’t want it back. Why would I? She deserves everything, and I deserve to continue to work as hard as I can to give it to her. In exchange, I get the priceless feeling of truly belonging to a beautiful, cruel, brutal Goddess domme. I hope that she recognizes my devotion and sacrifice, but I also hope that she realizes how much she has changed my life for the better by allowing me to express myself, to be who I really am, and to have the absolute joy of serving her. I cannot wait to see what humiliation, what indignity, what degradation comes next. She told me on my first day as her sub “I’m here to absolutely destroy every facet of your manhood, but I’m also here to protect you”. That phrase perfectly encapsulates her dual nature: the cruel and uncompromising domme, but also the sweet and nurturing Goddess. She is both/and. So far, she’s been true to her word in both respects, and I look forward to my continued destruction and rebirth. I will always obey my Goddess, no matter what she asks. So long as it makes her smile, makes her laugh, and pleases her, my answer will only ever be “Yes, Goddess. Thank you, Goddess”. I am an owned sub. This is my life now. I wouldn’t change a thing.

…Oh, and one last thing. Subs, betas, and buyers of AllThingsWorn: If you’re reading this, tread carefully. Otherwise, what starts as a simple spin of a task wheel, or a harmless coffee send may end with you working ten hours of overtime in a pink chastity cage on a Saturday afternoon. You should be so lucky.

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