What It's Like To Be a Sadist

By Domina 534 views

Seller BDSM Sellers’ Perspective What It's Like To Be a Sadist

My Experience

I would like to preface this by saying that this is my experience of what it is like to be a Sadist and although aspects of this will apply to others, Sadists, like any other individuals differ in personalities and so I do not speak for other Sadists nor do they speak for me.

A Definition of Sadism

A person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on others.

I Didn’t Know it Then

Looking back, I believe I’ve always been a Sadist. In early childhood, I can remember playing with my toys, barbies, Polly Pockets, teddies etc and the thing I enjoyed playing with the most was making them suffer. Whether there was a bully present or some kind of environmental disaster, the emotions I imagined my toys felt were always along the lines of panic, fear, pain and despair and it delighted me.

As a teenager I found myself responding to horror films in a way different to the people around me. I would often experience the same emotions as them: fear, adrenaline, and disgust at the gore but there was something else there too, arousal. Arousal, curiosity and confusion. Confused as to why I was experiencing these emotions, what was wrong with me? Did this make me evil? It’s now clear to me that what I am is a Sadist, but I didn’t know it then.

The Sadism

I was around 18 when, through my love of history and torture, I discovered the Marquis de Sade and others like him. I threw myself into learning everything I could about people like me and from there was transported back to the modern times where I found the world of BDSM and all of the delicious kinks, paraphilias, fetishes and fantasies there are to explore. I learnt so much about myself in the process and I am still learning now.

The definition of Sadism very clearly applies to me. It is blunt and will perhaps shock people or cause some disapproving tuts but I enjoy suffering. This can take many forms, physical pain, humiliation, degradation etc.

On their part what excites me is the suffering, the twisting, writhing body, the groans of pain and despair, the begging, the pleading, the spectrum of noises from soft whimpering to guttural screams.

On my part, it is the control, the cruelty and the sheer depravity. All of this manifests itself across multiple and diverse fetishes and acts of play, to name foot fetishism, trampling, sissyfication, cuckholding, CBT and more extreme types of play would be to give only a few small examples. What it manifests as doesn’t matter, it’s the service and the suffering or possibility thereof that excites me.

Acceptance

Believe it or not, this part of myself is still, to this day, difficult to accept. I often feel like Jekyll and Hyde and I do my utmost to keep Hyde hidden. I have been with my partner for over 13 years now and there are still parts of myself I am only just sharing, and parts still I keep hidden.

Finding others who are like me or the masochists who love us helps tremendously. It also helps that I can find places that are much more understanding than the rest of the world, such as this site, and this community. I believe the reason I often feel the need to hide it is because like most things that are different, Sadism, when people can bear to discuss it, is often held up to scrutiny and judgment and is shrouded in so many misconceptions.

The Misconceptions Around Sadism

I love Criminal Minds, God knows I do. But the show and many like it, in my opinion, have convinced many people that Sadism and criminality are one and the same. That Sadists are these ruthless individuals who prey on innocent people in order to inflict absolute horror. And I guess for some Sadists that is true. However, that is such a tiny percentage compared to the rest of us out there.

I do not lurk in doorways, it’s rude (I said that in Ursula’s voice), I do not take pleasure in hearing about or seeing the suffering of an innocent person in real-life who is not consenting. I am not mysterious (I wish that I was), and I am not stand-offish (okay some people have said that I can be).

I’m actually a really nice person. I love helping people and spending time with my family, I have centered my career and studies around supporting others, I even volunteered with hedgehogs.

I also do not look like a Sadist, that is to say, misplaced notions of what one may look like. I like my food so I’m a chunky lass, I don’t wear all black and live in latex and leather (though I do love all of that), you are much more likely to find me wearing lounge pants and the boyfriend’s t-shirt. I have a high-girly voice which makes me sound much younger than I am, and I laugh (according to my boyfriend) like a Honda 90.

I’m also not limited to my Sadism sexually. I enjoy being a soft Domme sometimes, I enjoy what people in the BDSM community refer to as vanilla sex and I even enjoy submitting sometimes but only to Alpha. Sadism is just one part of who I am.

Now That’s Said and Done

I hope you’ve enjoyed my blog post, it’s the first one I have done so I’m not 100% sure how to write these things. I hope, if, anything you can take from this is that not all Sadists are the same and that Sadism is just part of who I am. Just remember, we are not all evil and creepy.

I’m just your friendly, neighborhood Sadist (okay that was a little creepy).

Domina.

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Comments

Popol5 Awe..,this was great to read..... Keep up the good work....x

SissyboyinToronto @Domina 🥰

Domina @SissyboyinToronto I love sissysubs

SissyboyinToronto Being a sissy sub I have no idea 🥰

Domina @PorcelainWitch23 I am glad you can relate ☺️ it's great to find other people like me

PorcelainWitch23 @Domina yes!! It definitely depends on who I am working with and how comfortable we are together. I can definitely relate to that feeling too.

Domina @PorcelainWitch23 yes! I feel the same. I'm not always full of praise etc during a scene, sometimes I can be pretty ruthless but definitely care I'm a genuinely friendly caring person lol. I think a lot depends on my mood at the time and of course who I am working with

Alexibun @Ronp40 Ha but it does make the phrase 'turn the other cheek' much more entertaining! 🤣

PorcelainWitch23 @Domina I one time heard the term "sensual sadist". And that's how I feel about myself. I enjoy the acts of pain and the suffering and surrender sure, but I'll praise you and coddle you too. 😂

Domina @Ronp40 That is so beautiful. I often feel like I'm supposed to be one way or the other but I'm genuinely both caring and sadistic. Lol exactly good point 🤣

Ronp40 @Domina I've met so many caring and nurturing sadists in my life over the years. And love the dynamic between their two sides, very caring but will also leave you with bruises for life. Personally I love it. It's always makes the phrase treat others how you want to be treated a bit weird to me. 😆

Domina @Ronp40 lmao that is true. I still question myself at times, question whether it makes me a bad person or abnormal in some way. I also hold myself back a lot even with consenting partners

Ronp40 @Domina I'm not sure we always understand ourselves. My brain is still always going 'what do you mean you enjoy having your balls stepped on?' 😂

Domina @Ronp40 I agree completely. To be honest I think even in the world of BDSM, Sadists and masochists are not fully understood.

Ronp40 As a masochist, it is always nice to hear from a sadists point of view. It's strange with the world becoming so acceptable for so many how the fetish world is still so shunned by so many.

Honeypchs @Domina that’s so sweet 😋

Domina @Honeypchs lol thank you ☺️ yes He always says that to me when I laugh lol

Honeypchs The laugh like a Honda made me giggle. Awesome read.

Domina @Natas_SMA Thank you, I appreciate that 😊

Natas_SMA Very well written

Domina @PorcelainWitch23 I'm glad you enjoyed it thank you 😊

Domina @Alexibun thank you ☺️ I am glad you have been able to embrace it

PorcelainWitch23 I really enjoyed reading this and can relate. Thanks for sharing.

Alexibun I love this! It's a part of me that I don't often talk about much either and something I have only recently embraced (thank you, ATW!). Thank you for sharing your story! 🥰🥰🥰